the chocolate big easy Friday, Jun 22 2007

I found a place to live for july and august and my parents have agreed. See you july 1st

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I wish my tummy was as flat as my tire Wednesday, Jun 20 2007

So last night I got a flat tire. I hate flat tires because I’m lazy. I literally got a brand new set of tires two weeks ago. Well at 11:00 last night I hit a curb going 40mph (it was a school zone of course I don’t speed other wise). So I pulled into the parkening lot of a steak n’ shake to change it. These guys who were sitting in the corner in their car asked if I needed help. So I told the pot heads thanks but I’m good I know how to change a tire. I wish I was a hot chick and they would have done it for me with me only having to pay them back with a three way. But if you know how to change a tire it’s not like a second pair of hands really helps. But I know the rule pay it forward.

So I didn’t go into work today since I waited an hour and a half to get my tire changed. Well i got some lunch and ate at home. Then my boss called. For those of us who don’t know she’s a 65 year old jewish woman. Can we say yenta who is a picky cunt. So she called and yelled at me for not going in. If I did go in I would have just sat on facebook for two hours. So I decided to work at home today. So she was mad and I told her sorry I got a flat tire. I offered to come in and she sounded so pissed that she was now going to have to go in to the office. Like she can’t talk to friends at home.

But at least now I don’t feel bad about leaving early to go to New Orleans. I think I found a place in uptown. I’m just waiting to doubl echeck something. Then I have to start the fight of when to go down. We have my father who knows I hate being home and my mother who is going to be pissed no matter what. Why is it so expensive? Why can’t you live at home and get antoher job and take summer classes? I just want to ask her why do you have to be a fucking bitch and why can’t you get off my back?

Then I had to play tennis with her today. If I don’t she gets upset. But if I asked her and she said no it would still be my fault. If you’re scratching your head right now this is what it’s like in my family. It’s rather difficult to play with her because she hits it like an old jewish woman so they’re all low to the ground. Also she does this thing while waiting she’ll jump up and down like 6 times to make it a better exercise routine. Or when chasing a ball that rolled away she’ll break into this wicked slow jog for about 4 seconds then stops. But at least her 6 pack shows.

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all day long I dream about sex Thursday, Jun 14 2007

So I am on this website that I shall remane nameless for legal purposes but it’s asite where homosexuals post profiles to meet people. A lot for sex and a far smaller portion for chatting. In my profile I say I am interested in anybody over forty. Only becuase I perfer my condoms to not be pruchased with social security money. And I may always be interested in talking to older guys but there is a limit. Some older gentleman of age 47 messaged me saying it was offense. And so on and so forth for what seemed what would be longer than the fourth Harry Potter book. All of it saying how I was a terrible person. I wrote him back if I have to talk to somebody my age he needs to sleep with somebody who is 94.

I saw a link for the greatest website in history. It is a gay porn site that has the following catch. It’s all thugs who are hypnotized to perform the unspeakable act.

Besides all that that has to do with erections I may be going back down NOLA early. Working the old bar job and who knows what else. I need to get out of CoMo. On the bright side I can make some extra money from selling audio recordings of my parents to Guntanamo. Shit we’ll find Osama yet.

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A bottle of wine a day keeps the doctor away Saturday, Jun 9 2007

So I have a developed a nice taste in wine. My parnets have a decent supply of wine in the house and so far it has all been good wine. But it makes me happy. Also to go along with my new bullshit major of music I decided to add a nice bull shit minor of film studies. If only I could trhow in communications.

In other news Danielle has come to visit. We do nothing but watch movies. One of the best movies I have seen in a while is For Your Consideration. Also my parents like refuse to leave her alone. They just won’t leave us alone.

I got a cute top for Aurora Cecile. It was on sale. I also got a dress.

I also got DDR.. I’m going to use it to try and loose weight.

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I want to be your umberella Monday, Jun 4 2007

As the movie awards play I have a new found love for Rihanna. Although loved before she is wear an S&M themed bra and skirt. Also I was not aware the bob was in such style. Both Rihanna and Victoria Becknam now have one. I don’t know why they both did this but Anna Wintour still doesn’t love you. The other thing I love is how Sarah Silverman made a Paris Hilton is going to jail and is a slut. So when she mentioned jail the entire audience started to cheer. She looked pissed off. For the slut comment she tried to look pissed off by eventually she broke a smile. To finish up MTV is promoting the awards during the commercial break. I just figure that if you wanted to watch the show you would.

This reminds me I’m now a music major. Maybe if I do something I am passionate about my GPA will raise like my blood pressure.

In other news my parents are still driving me nuts. They also are noticing me hitting the bottle. But I think it’s only fair.

Lastly people in Venezuela are protesting Chave’s takeover of the station of telivion that was dissenting. Who predicts violent revolution soon.

Sarah Silverman looks a lot like Amy Winehouse. No NO NOOOOOO

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Denny Crain beats all Wednesday, May 30 2007

So tonight was the finale of House and Boston Legal. Although House was of course Awesome I hve to give it to Boston Legal.

In other news I’m really horny. No matter how many times I spank the monkey the butt does not turn red. I need to cut a testicle off.

I have to pee. Why doesn’t my blatter come with an eject button?

I need more heels. I like feeling tall.

If you want to marry me my finger is bare.

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Blackberries and Aurora Wednesday, May 23 2007

So I got a Black Berry. I am really excited. I am most certain I do not need one. But still. Let’s try to organize my life. Also a friend gave me a link of my performance from Miss Paul Tulane. Let me know that you saw it. Aurora Cecile is famous.

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWYlpDKqekY]

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mama/papa can you hear me? Saturday, May 19 2007

Ok for yentel being jewish the song should be mama can you hear me? I know it changes the plot of the entire movie but jewish mother. I don’t care if they can’t be rabbis in the movie. At least do like a dance remix. Or maybe Joss Stone should release another cover album. I need to do a little rant on the parental units now. So like most patriotic americans we are driving to some far far away land for memorial day. Well my parents decided that the perfect place to stay would be my brother’s apartment. Let me give you the facts: Have you heard of my brother? probably not which means he isn’t rich and famous, he haas a full size bed, a pull out couch, a floor, one tv and a bathroom smaller than my penis. And the original plan was to stay there for three nights. Naturally I had a slight porblem with this. Becuase as much as I like to get fucked I’d rather not get the shit end of the stick. Becuase I would be stuck with nothing to do for days at a time there. Then after some more arguing my mom said this was supposed to be the celebration for her birthday. Getting to do what she wants. To end I would just like to say Jesus doesn’t demand this much attention on Christmas and Easter combined.

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can a diabetic and a toffee bar get along? Friday, May 18 2007

So at 1 am with exhaustion setting in and the alcohol flowing through my veins Bryan cannot sleep. Sure my feet sound like sand paper when I rup them together but time still ticks away. In my drunkn stuper with my apparent effort to the english language (or at least the best I can do)I do have some emotions left that did not come from the finales’ of Ugly Betty and Grey’s Anatomy. I miss somebody who I only talked to online for two weeks and met in person twice. Why is this sad situation conquering my thoughts? This one person althought lacking in time managed to make me feel happier then my friends, my family, the current romantic interest I posses, and the greatest attraction towards another individual I have ever felt. Am I that desperate to feel emotion from another? Am I that empty to cling to any kiss from another, holding from the hands, text message saying how I make them happy that I cannot sleep. I am just left with two thoughts. One is still the I fucked it up. Granted I did wrong but the other still over reacted. My small mistake was used as an excuse to fall in love with somebdoy else they “have known for a while.” Does this mean that they were going around behind my back or just wating for me to slip up so they could have an easy decision to make? I will never find the answer (I would not even have the courage to write this blog if it were not for skyy vodka thank you to that lovely company). My other thought is that I am a weak person. This specimine is the object of my thoughts. This insignificant portion of my life still occupies any part of me. Am I that longing for any sort of validation? I just but can’t help think of what I missed whether me and this other man would have been the best thing for each other or if I was being played the entire time? Either way I know now that I am left with my iTunes catalogue, tv and dvd’s of tv shows, and a Ben and Jerry’s Factory to satisfy my lust for eternal happiness.

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Mississippi Thursday, May 17 2007

So remember when you were a little kid and spelling that fucking state was the biggest accomplishment once could achieve. Looking back on it that is one of the easiest states to spell. Besides the states that are really easy to sound out like Washington and Indiana. I real accomplishment with the states would be remember which one is Vermont and which one is New Hampshire. So I just called to find out what to do for my speeding ticket. Fucking $155. Isn’t that like half the state budget?

In other new I saw the movie Georgia rules. It is the most amazing movie ever. I hope I get an oscar for best audience member. It was me and my friend and like 10 old ladies. After the movie was over one of the red hat society members  said “That was an excellent story from start to finish.” I just wanted to look back and go it spoke to me in my heart. So go see it.

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